January 6, 2019

Reflection

I tried to write about Peace and found that I'm currently too frenetic.
I tried to write about Love, but then I lived it out instead.

I have a lot of thoughts on various topics floating around that I'm struggling to pin down these days. I wanted to briefly wrap up the year with some words to trigger important memories and lessons I've learned.

My word for 2018 was expansion.

More inclusion.
More good people.
More shared experience.
More festival.
More opportunities to be Joy embodied.
More bravery with my words and actions.
More "I love you".

Maybe even more confidence as the year comes back around to a close? Hard to say, because there was also a period of more anxiety over relationships, more uncertainty over actions, and the too familiar accompanying checked-out low.

A friend-of-a-friend recommended that my word for 2019 be "claiming". It's remarkable how knowing almost-strangers can be. It seems that the anxiety I experienced this year continues to be related to what my "more" looks like and how it is perceived by those around me. Trying to be more me, with less of the worry -that's the hope. My people help me do this. Perhaps the most important "more" of this year has been a sense of being more known (and somehow still accepted, loved).

By all of the ways you've shown you know me:

I'm undone.
Made small
And grown
And better than last year.


Looking ahead, I'll keep claiming this sentiment from August:

It seems the more people I meet, (and know, and love,) the larger my heart becomes. Love is an addition. Sure, there are still risks involved in expansion, and these I will continue to embrace -for now, anyway.