Wind chimes in the dark, the prairie ones don't quit.
It's a lovely sound, but I'm so sick of it.
Shh.. give me grace.
I'm affected.
I really need a change;
of view,
of action,
of heart,
in life.
I've gotten to the point where I'm not sure if it's this town, the fact that I'm cooped up in the house, the darkness of winter, or the lack of human interaction that is making me feel so uneasy. Is there satisfaction to be found in any situation? And is it wrong to feel apathetic about finding it? I feel like I need a trip of some kind... To somewhere warm and sunny, where I can lay on the ground, smell the earth and watch strangers.
It's almost embarrassing to admit that something so simple could be my cure, or that I feel that I am in need of a cure at all.
Something about this situation is not suited to me.
I know in my mind, about love and comfort, but it's hard to remember how to feel it sometimes. My complaints are likely not valid, I understand that, but I've lost Inspiration and her absence sends me to Turmoil.
I find mindless activities to distract my brain from thinking. It's disgusting how unintentional I am sometimes.
I look forward to figuring mySelf out.
I lovelovelove.
And I'm still, very simply, a joyous person.
It's just that I'm affected.
It's just that I'm confused.
Edit: An addition.
My fortune teller has four white squares.
I know they're squares because I made every fold perfect.
What's perfect?
They are probably diamonds.
At least I know they're white.
There's a lot of colours inside of white.
Oh dear.
I can't think of any fortunes.
But it seems better that the paper is left blank.
I get it now.
It's because I'm not bigger than all of these feelings.
And that's okay.
5 comments:
sugar snap peas. sugar snap peas. *snap snap snap.
We have a huge bag at my house. I've been eating it for like a week. Today at work this guy asked me if I was a vegetarian. Because he sees me eating sugar snap peas all the time. For some reason, it struck me as really strange. I think it might be because noone has EVER asked me if I was a vegetarian before. weird. It doesn't seem like a weird question but it seemed like a totally original moment in my life. I felt like such a vegetarian hippie. even though I eat meat. And thoroughly enjoy it. And I thought of you when he asked me. not because of your noneating of red meat but because of the peas.
Something else reminded me of you today. But I forget what it was. I just remember thinking "haha that reminds me of Krista". so sad.
~Whitney
Oh Whitney, my faithful, little reader. You are not so little. You are taller than my Dad.
snap.
haha yesterday we were having a church potluck. and I spilled my juice. And I turned to Fern and said "I spilled on juice on my..." and then I just started laughing hysterically and couldn't even get the word crotch out. I didn't even realize what I was saying til I got to that part. haha we are alike sometimes. And spill a lot of things.
this comment just got interrupted by a phone call. I've officially been laid off. sweet. I'm alright with that though. It's just cause the hill's not open yet so we have no guests and nothing to do. SO they've been finding stupid jobs for us. the other day I cleaned a stairwell. it was gross. i breathed in so much dust and dirt that when I blew my nose my snot was grey. gross. haha maybe I'll come and visit again now that I have nothing else to do.
~Whitney
Swwwweeeeeet, I love it when my friends get laid off and come to visit me. Sounds like a deal.
yeah we had this sweet ninja competition for girl's bible study. we all dressed up like ninjas and then renata had all these tasks for us to do. twas aweseome.
You should definitely come. now would be the time cause I'm not working. I don't know how much the bus costs. it would definitly be way cheaper to do it from calgary. I can check for you if you want.
lovves.
~Whitney
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