October 12, 2006

Full Soul on an Empty Day

I woke up alone, which normally would have been terrible, except it wasn't so bad because I knew that I had just left a very warm and pleasant dream. I lied in bed for a while, wondering how I could possibly feel satisfied being in such a lonely, cold room. (When I say cold, I almost never mean temperature.) It was as if I was obviously the only living thing there and everything else was so envious of my life that it was trying it's hardest to suck out my soul. Since all of the dead things n my room were very hungry and I was not really in the mood to have my heart devoured, I quickly made the bed and scurried downstairs.
I took a very long shower. At one point I almost turned the water off because I felt sad that I was wasting so much of it, but then I thought to myself about how it must be okay since I haven't showered since Friday. (After all, it is Wednesday and any normal person probably would have used more water for showering during that time period.) So it was justified in my mind and I felt at rest.
I put on practically the same clothes as yesterday because they suited my mood and I seem to not like dealing with the changed feeling of new outfits. I keep the same things in my pockets everyday;
Front left: house key, spare change. Lip chap goes into he front too, if I would quit losing it.
Back left: spare bills, driver's license (for I.D. not for driving.) and bank card.
If I have things like movie tickets or bus passes they go in the back right, (but that's only on special days.)
I wear the boy's wool socks over top of my own as slippers, because our house temperature is always set at eight degrees Celsius. I like it because then everyone wears layers and sweaters and they all look so cozy and comfortable with themselves.

We moved our room around today, it's less dead and more accepting. Now it says things like, "Celebrate our lifestyle!" and, "We're open." We sat in there and looked at pictures, it was the most time I've spent awake in my own room.

I ate Saskatoon berry pie for breakfast. Two hours later I had leftover vegetarian pizza for lunch. I was so happy when I realized that I was eating lunch at the synchronized time as my working companions.

I put away dishes, one fell from the top shelf and smashed on the counter. Inside my mind I said, "Shit!" but all the came out of my mouth was, "Scary!" It was a pleasant surprise and it made me feel like my heart was less calloused than I thought. I was sad to break the casserole lid, but I couldn't help but feel joyous that I wasn't angry.

I took off my sock-slippers and put on my shoes and the pink hood/scarf. Adventuring I went.
The Chinese Grocery Store (it's some sort of Lucky number,) smelled funny, but I quickly grew used to it. I felt shy when I was walking around in there.
A little old lady motioned for me to grab the box off of the top shelf. I took it down and she asked me to read it to her,
"Disposable coffee filters, 100 of them, fits any machine made for 8-12 cups..."
"I think that's it," she said, "thank you."
I felt very nice, and no longer shy so it didn't shock me as much while I walked away and a little, old man put his box of cereal in his cart and said to me,
"I really like these bran squares."
"Me too," I replied, "they are very good."
How lovely.

Soon I had found all of the things on my list, (well, all of the things that the store carried. I couldn't find my multi-vitamins, chai-tea extract, or ice cube trays). I gathered my soy milk, my new 99 cent green tea with ginseng and honey, the real fruit gummies, shaving cream, tooth paste and blue recycling bags and I paid for them at the express lane, where the cashier felt like she hated all people. I only took one plastic bag to carry it all, because I felt better about being considerate of the environment, but on the way home I still thought that I should have brought my own cloth bag. At least in our house we reuse the plastic ones.

It was after three O'clock and all of the children were hustling and bustling their ways out of the school. As I walked past, they smiled at me.

When I got home she took a picture of me because she thought I looked cute. When I saw the picture it made me never want to take off my sweaters of the scarf/hood because in that shot I looked exactly how my soul felt. I imagine that is what I look like on the insides and it made me even more happy when I realized that my appearance relayed my heart to all of those youthlings on my walk and the old people that talked to me in the store and even to the crabby, people-hating cashier.

Now as I lay here in the boy's room, (with my journal, Narnia and Ginseng-honey Green Tea,) waiting for my companions to come home (it's like waiting for Christmas, and I already know what my best three presents are,) I feel so content and full, even though I really did "nothing" with my day. I'm so thankful that I am the way I am on the inside today. I love.
Tomorrow might be different so I'm capturing this all now.
~~



This could be one of my more potentially "embarrassing" posts. I wrote this little free-write for a friend, but I felt that since I captured my life in such accurate detail it might be of a certain value to share.
~~





What hope is there when strong things fail?
I feel crushed by a sad truth and it seems that the world shouldn't fall the way it does sometimes. Dear dear.

4 comments:

Lucid Elusion said...

Krista, I love the way you write: your style is very refreshing to read. It's a little bit of a present every time I stumble upon one of your new posts. Have you ever thought of diving into some creative writing projects?

crippled said...

excellant day.

Anonymous said...

im going to call you. when would be the best time for such a thing? you know what is sad about my life? your post seemed exciting. an adventure is what i crave right now.
~Whitney

Anonymous said...

Not much to say. Good luck with the operation.