Expansion

I recently came across a piece from a number of years ago. It was Advent and I also happened to be waiting for the imminent arrival of our baby girls. I wrote a reflection on Love. Well, actually, it was more about a concern regarding the limits of my love.

I had become overwhelmed with fear that my heart was already too full -that I was currently at the end of my capacity for loving others. It was incomprehensible that any more love could possibly be asked of me. Yet, any day now I would be faced with the reality of having two squirmy mini-humans that (so I had been told) I would probably love more than words or actions could express. I felt trapped. It felt like learning to love something (someone/s) new would detract from me in unsustainable ways. I would almost certainly disappear in this transaction.

Somehow, nearly 6 years later, this vessel persists. I can remember the fear I held in that stage, and tending to the needs of those babies did dissolve parts of me for a time. But in this current phase of life, I no longer relate to the anxiety of Love detracting from self. It seems the more people I meet, (and know, and love,) the larger my heart becomes. Love is an addition. Sure, there are still risks involved in expansion, and these I will continue to embrace -for now, anyway.

Here's a short thing I wrote while in the badlands reflecting on these silly ideas./

I used to think this ship was full

Occupied.

Off shore, en route, on guard.

And yet, (mid-journey,) here you are. 

Expanding the space in this solar powered summer pump. 

You draw new borders -

and cross them.

Tend the fires.

Test new waters.

Call my love out of all of its corners.

Now I’m fuelled up with seams pressing. 

Streamlining for some boundless horizon.

And you’re coming with me